The Dark Saxophonist - Afeto Expressivo

Sunday, February 07, 2010,

i dunno why but i always blog at the 11th hour, haha

like hours before booking in where there's lots of things to pack and stuffs

than i'll do a post up, when I have like hell of a time to blog, lol

anyway had a haircut which I'm not satisfy with, seriously...

i had a very nice hair style which I really like before the cut

but its too long and I need to trim it if not I'll be botak for cny alr

soooo, i went to this barber and told him exactly wat I want

but he overdo it and now my hair at the back is too short

tt's the only unsatisfying part; hopefully my hair would look good during cny

because its my favourite holiday of the year! and lots of pics will be taken lah!

hahaha

did a very last min cny shopping; because I only had wkends to do

if I dun do it this weekend, next weekend is cny alr and I'll be left with no new clothes to wear

new year wear new clothes, its a slogan that I follow man, so must buy, hahaha

manage to grab 3 decent tops, and my first ever time buying smth at espirit

well, i was lucky i manage to buy tops that I'm satisfied with for this cny

despite the super last min shopping which almost freak me out with the fact of no new clothes

wanna see what I bought? well, typical 'wei ren' tops that is so me, haha

hope to add a nike top to my collection again

my wardrobe needs a makeover; too many oversize clothes that doesn't suits me anymore

that explains how fat i was before army, I'll nv ever grow back again man

wanted to eat good food this bookout but didn't manage to

beacuase I had field camp this week and next week too

the field camp i just had, though its only 3 days, but its as tiring as the 6 days one i had in BMT

plus combat ration is really boring, so i satisfied myself with a mcspicy meal at least =)

really excited about new year and I'm gonna have a tough week ahead

preparation for section proficiency test, than the test, than weapon handling test

but at least i'm having half day on friday, woooooots

well, every wkend is so short than when I'm starting to enjoy it, its time to book in

seriously 2 nights in my own bed, hugging my bolster, all cuddled up

i really had uninterrupted sleep, and its really nice

waking up naturally to my laptop and tv, super nice man

if only i can have 3 days break because I really feel 3 days would than be sufficient

at least book out earlier on fridays lah, than its not tt depressing

all thanks to those time wasting activities than book out is always delayed

fuck

hahahaha

CNY is coming, I really like CNY, more than chirstmas of cos, lol

Let's all dance till we run this town! haha

2/07/2010 06:55:00 PM

Sunday, January 31, 2010,

booking in and out, in and out; I feel myself getting numb and lifeless

life is so boring and meaningless already, not motivated and not seeing the purpose

just doing and doing from monday to friday, and catching up for 2 days

and back to that mundane lifestyle yet agian

seriously even though I've only served for like 1 mth plus in my new unit

but I seriously need a breakaway from all the shit, craps and stuffs that are thrown at me

but with every rule set so tight, I dun see myself getting any break sooner

I need a breather at some place where there's peace and no regimentation

I really hate being restricted and confine to a set of rules

and through all this, I feel that I have to learn how to reject even though u dun wan to

if not eventually you will just lose out and people will advantage of you

if life is to go on and not be a burden with other's request, learn to reject

because I'm trying to learn that and lead a better life in camp

January 2010 had not been very kind to me; I must say its one of the worst mth I had in my life

apart from my my civilian life on my book outs, life in camp was unlucky to the max

and I'm really sian over all those shits that happens; but wat can I do?

sometimes I feel defeated by life because fate is not on my side

things are not happening to what I thought would be and the twist always happen

a bad twist here though, feeling fucking fuck up and screwed

have always been trying to be super duper positive after been thrown with shitty stuffs

eventually you'll lose the ability to see light when you're just flooded with nothing but negativity

and by than I'll be at wits end already

at the minimal I still have this blog to vent out and release all the shits on this platform

it's like a weekly event already

on another note, I think I'm intoxicated with these 2 videos alr

at least my life is kinda brighten up by oh!

oh! oh! oh! oh! Sarang Heyo!

oh! oh! oh! oh! So Nyuh Shi Dae!

going back for another week of shit, cya whomever is reading this =)

gonna miss the match between Arsenal and Man U tonight... craps

whoever is reading this can help me check the score and msg me?

thanks in advance; you can check it out at www.arsenal.com/home

1/31/2010 05:40:00 PM

Friday, January 29, 2010,

I had a super sucky, screwed and fuck up friday

everything, every decision, every event, every every stuffs just goes wrong

yup, had a very unlucky and crappy day where nothing goes the way u wan

but this video simply changed the whole day around, seriously...

knew they releasing new songs when I'm trapped inside

first thing upon reaching home, search for the video

and I think girl's hair does affects alot on their appearance

to me, the super reborn on beats the poodle hair hands down

but nonetheless, they're still SNSD, lols

oh! oh! oh! oh!

1/29/2010 02:39:00 AM

Sunday, January 24, 2010,

serious frustrated with the week i just had

super lot of time wasted waiting and rotting and stoning

because we had to wait for our turn, wait for verdict, wait for this wait for that

its seriously waste of my time; why my 21st year old year is spend doing this

i dun wanna waste my youth away, not that I have alot to spare lah

zzzz

had my IPPT test and I went all out for that silver, but heaven's not on my side i guess

paced my sir and guess he was too fierce at the start, i was shag out behind and sadly

missed the silver mark by 5 sec, if not extra 100 will be in my pocket for cny

heard that the next one is in a few weeks time; so gonna get that silver man

and judging from my superiors, I seriously think they need to attend leadership courses

or maybe they did not have enough time to hone and learn wat is leadership

to be a good leader, you must have respect of your man and their willingness to fight for you

not by ordering people, fucking them with the slightest mistake, and not respecting us when talking to us; we are human too, and what makes you different from us?

earn respect, treat us the way u wan us to treat you, and not keep talking as if we're shits and worthless creatures that are of no importance; i feel so pissed seriously, but suck it up

wat else can I do, he have something in front of his uniform that i don't have, sobs...

to conclude my week, it was a week filled with time wasting, time burning, time waiting week

oh yah, on a small note, first time stayed at home for a full whole day ever since I enlist

rotted at home, and spent valuable time with my family

played band hero with my siblings, did some reading, had some talking with my family

did painting of the door, and tidy up my room and laptop

not that I like to stay at home because I'll be bored to death, its really boring

so once in a blue moon rotting at home is nice, but of cos I dun wan lah

some activity i miss doing...

going to the movie and enjoy a nice show; its been a long time; think the last one was happy flight

though my last movie was storm warriors, but I din enjoyed it, haha

and going to the beach! its been a long time I hit the sand, play some volleyball and enjoy the sun

plus attending a concert at esplanade, a place I having been going for a long long time

playing a game of sports would be nice too

and of cos hanging out with frens doing watever activities

argh, i miss my civilian life... fuck up lah, hahahaha

straying away, sunmi has left wondergirls to pursue her studies! omg crap shit

and she's replace by some girl with hong kong heritage

wth is this, dunno true or not but heard form my fren

its been a long time last heard wg, than came this news

on the contrary snsd is gonna release their new album, nice, hahahhaa

flying bird i know, cannot support 2 at once meh? hahahahahahahha

alright, going in for yet another week of entrapment

no pics again this week, cos I lazy to formulate pics though i have the concept in my mind alr

will do some pics with photoshop next week to post, hahah, lazy lah... just wanna rot at home

enjoy the laziness before going in a chioooooong another week

though I'm a little slow, but I really like his song, top on my playlist now =)

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

go hear it, Lips of an Angel by Hinder =D

1/24/2010 12:30:00 PM

Sunday, January 17, 2010,

read a few blogs and some people are doing journey post

which I really enjoy reading because it also sparks off those memories of mine

maybe I'll do a NP Band journey post next book out =)

which comes to me thinking that joining a CCA is has more positive effects than negative one

one often says that joining a CCA is a waste of time, affects your studies and whatever shit

but to me, i think that joining a CCA can value-add oneself, esp boosting one's EQ

which makes me think back that joining band has not only enhance me musically

but also on leadership roles, human management, organizing skills and alot alot more

plus the fun you experience throughout, it's definitely worth the tiredness

and those sleepy lectures in exchange for all this, well, worthwhile

alright, yet another week in camp, with 2 high key events that left me sleeping early in the morn

a section live firing was interesting, and a tiring and kick-ish 20km route march

both leaving me sleeping like 5.30 and 3.30 respectively, waking up like 7.30 and 8 lah

how fierce was that; 2 more weeks and I'm completing my advance infantry training

sucking up more and more, not the training, but some troublemakers who are brainless

they just dun have a brain to think and just do things their own way

and when they get punish for their error, they talk back as if they were never in the wrong

but fuck, they're just failures who cannot see how fuck up they are; losers

and the rest if us get fuck along because of the mistakes they've committed

welcome to the army, because its never them; its always us, everyone

sudden craving for local cuisine has been satisfied to the maximum

after booking up meet up with some friends and we spammed food over at some hawker centre

its been a long time I've indulge myself in super unhealthy food

char kway tiao, cheese fries, kawy chap, fried carrot cake, and some others

all this build up to less than 10 a person, which really fills the stomach

but after enjoying, I felt sinful because I dun wanna return back to the unfit me

hahahaha, plus ippt is on monday, omg omg omg

saturday went singing; no one chose songs at the beginning

so I took the remote and spammed all of jay chou's emo songs

all the super emo, super sentimental, super climatic and heart-stirring ones

omg, those songs brings back memories because every year some songs define different periods

when is his next album coming out? lolol

now I back to emo-therapy with jay chou's song

alright, pardon me for always giving very wordy post

I'll try to add pictures in next time for my posts

time to book in for yet another week of training

how mundane life can be

really like how the lyrics goes

就是开不了口让她知道
我一定会呵护着你也逗你笑
你对我有多重要我后悔没让你知道
安静的听你撒娇看你睡着一直到老

1/17/2010 05:51:00 PM

Sunday, January 10, 2010,

10 Jan 2009, exactly one year ago from today

Rondeau XXIII, my last concert as an NP band member

I swear, today was an emotional day for me...

attended Rondeau XXIV ytd; well, another last concert of yet another batch of np band ppl

after 7 years of music making for most people in the band, somehow it gives u a ending feeling

guys will move on to NS, girls will move on to other focus

it will never be the same group of people making music again

seeing those people I use to make music together with, have fun with, crap with

now as an audience, I really envy them still able to be part of NP band

its already been a year since I last performed in a concert

I'm definitely not those who actually will take initiative and join some outside band

i'm just one satisfied enough to make music with the band of my institute

I really wanna hold the saxophone again, tune it, warm up, and play like how it was like before

but it'll never come true for the time being, it'll be a while before I can play the saxophone again

but I swear I'll never give up this passion, because its already something I will sacrifice for

guess I really miss life back in those poly days, where I really enjoyed my time as a teenager

life was soooo much more colourful, vibrant and active

I could feel the energy in me, the real me that I guess I haven't been for some time

this weekend was really a back in time feeling for me

staying in the loft for 2 nights, mingling around with people in NP, and ppl from my batch

its like a short being the actual me where I will talk cock, crap and play around

and that brings back to me being an emo kid now

because NS has robbed too much valuable stuffs away from... simply too much

hearing too much stuffs like stay away from trouble, dun keh kiang, just follow the flow

I've became a low profile, quiet and inward creature recently

it is only every book out that I will release the noisy monster in me which is calling for freedom

but 5days of entrapment, 2 days is never enough to recover from the usual active level

plus NS has stopped me from continuing my passion in music

it has disconnected me from the outside world, and i'm contained in a limited community

reduced to just a phone and a set of newspaper, I feel really disconnected

no facebook or msn to keep in touch, no internet to update myself of the latest stuffs

I feel really off with the civilian world, only know what's going on in my camp

just listening to 93.3 on its morning show, already brings back some nice memories

every morning travelling to school or work, i'll tune in to the morning show

its a source of update on recent events and new songs, which keeps me on track

I just hope that this 2 years would end peacefully for me, so I can regain my connection

some good stuffs I've learnt in NS (yup, there's also beneficial stuffs one)

it helps me to look on the good side in those negative things thrown at me

because I have no other options but take it in.

so to feel better, I have to flood myself with the good things, no matter how minor it is

because I have no option but to apply the 2nd skill I learnt: suck it up

you have no choice over what is given to u; so suck it up, accept it and make do with it

since young we've always given a choice

school to study, course to take, subjects to take, cca to join, friends to make, things to do

but all of a sudden, I have to accept things thrown at me, and I have no rights to make a decision

so suck it up, big time now, because for the next 2 years, I have no choice at all

1/10/2010 05:47:00 PM

Sunday, January 03, 2010,

2 weeks into unit life, no more long weekend already

time for a proper weekly training life that I will have for next 1 yr plus

well I must say, life hasn't been the best; but make the best out of it man

hearing experience from many band members serving the nation or has ended serving

I must say many had the same feelings as me, dunno how to prolong music in our life

NS has really disrupt our passion for music if you do not get into SAF bands

no time to practice, need to stay in for training, booking out is spent enjoying

how to find time and continue this passion of ours?

so i must say, many have accepted the fact: yes, we cannot make music that frequently anymore

life has to go on, and its time to shift focus to something else, something you never exp before

one sergeant I interacted when I was doing guard duty, he was a band enthusiast just like me

and when I asked him why didn't he want to try for the SAF band, just like others

his response was that after doing something for many years, he wanted something different

because in NS, they can offer you something you've never get to do as a civilian

and not only he told me such a thing, many others also says that too

because all of us know that its hard to commit to music and we have no other options

so settle for the best option and make the best out of it

though looking back at times, does makes you feel sentimental

yes, looking back at my last concert photos posted up recently

I really miss those times when music was the core of my life

it was all the fun and enjoyment you live for everyday

next saturday will be Rondeau 24 already, which means I've already left NP band for a year

and its the last concert for yet another batch of band members in the band

looking back in life, it really tells you had yes, you had fun back than

certain keywords does sparkle much memories that I had many years back

like a simple word G1 mention by my fren recently, woah, lots of stuffs just flooded in

G1 is my class for 3 years in poly, the people that I hanged around in class

those were the poly days, where I really enjoyed my teenage life

and words like Rondeau, PnC, librarian, band camp, lectures, tutorials, fyp

simple words like this can allow u to recall all the times you had back than

and yes, I do miss those times, I misses the days in poly where life was all about fun

now army has already changed everything, and yes, we all had to adapt to the changes

every guy just has to undergo this 2 years of differences and than back to normal life

many told me that it would just end in a blink, afterall its only 2 years

but has time passes quickly when you're doing something that is not of ur interest?

hmm... but one thing for sure, I'll never give up my passion for music

I'll never give up playing the saxophone, no matter how lousy I would become

1/03/2010 05:46:00 PM